


The One for You

by Musixx



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Blow Jobs, Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, Hurt No Comfort, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Little Shit, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, One-Sided Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Self-Harm, Set in america cause idk how japanese college works hehe, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole, Yamaguchi Tadashi Needs a Hug, Yamaguchi Tadashi-centric, hes very insecure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:27:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26962888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musixx/pseuds/Musixx
Summary: Yamaguchi Tadashi has a crush on his childhood friend, and now that theyre going off to college, he might just have a chance.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~The life was quiet all aroundA cute little islandNice and non-violentBut everything turned upside downWhen a new guy came to town
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for deciding to read this fic. This is my first attempt at a serious fic, and it's (hopefully) going to be sad. I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> I also have a Tsukiyama playlist for inspiration on Spotify. If you're interested, here's the link:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4vGc4fiXMUgOCOtiu8SZHM?si=-dg9VyeOSbSQfBK8VIcCtw

~*~*~*~*~  
Chapter 1  
~*~*~*~*~

Like the sun, Kei glows when he smiles. At least, that's what Tadashi thinks. A genuine smile from Kei was pretty rare, so Tadashi tried his best to capture the moment in his mind. Kei's face, the coffee-flavored boba tea resting on the table in front of him, the quiet but busy cafe they were sitting in. He had made Kei laugh. The light filtered across their faces, bringing out Tadashi's freckles and Kei’s eyes, hidden behind glass. They had just graduated high school a few months prior and were starting college in a few days. Tadashi was excited at first, but now, as the day creeps closer and closer, he finds his mind jumbled with thoughts. Thoughts of Kei leaving him for new people, better friends, people without problems and ugly freckles like Tadashi's. 

Tadashi took a sip of his strawberry boba, refusing to let himself get worked up over something so silly. That is a silly thought. Right? He shook his head to shove the worry into the back of his mind and instead tried to focus on the way the autumn sun made Kei appear more radiant than Tadashi had thought possible. Tadashi twirls a strand of his hair with his finger. "So, Tsukki! Are you excited?? We're finally college students! You're continuing with volleyball, right? I wonder what the team is like!! I bet they’re super cool!! I hope we have classes toge-" 

"Tadashi, you're rambling," Kei said, a slight frown appearing on his face. His mouth quirked down on one side, and Tadashi suddenly felt ashamed. He talks way too much, and he must be embarrassing to Kei. 

"Ah, sorry Tsukki!" Sometimes Tadashi forgets Kei has known him since they were little. Of course he picked up on Tadashi's habit. Tadashi deflates a little, smile wavering a tiny bit but quickly returning. Guess you can’t hide much from your best friend. Best friend. 

"It's okay, but do you mind telling me what's wrong?" Kei adjusts his glasses and pushes them further up the bridge of his nose. Damnit. Tadashi wasn't really ready to admit his worries to Kei quite yet, but Kei was looking at him with those damn eyes, making Tadashi's heart swoon, leading him to comply. 

"It's really silly... I know you wouldn't leave me behind, but it's just..." Tadashi's hands find the boba cup in front of him, holding onto it with both hands like it's a lifeline. He starts biting his lip, a habit he’s been trying (but failing) to rid himself of. "You're going to be on the volleyball team. It's so easy for you to make friends. You'll meet more people. People who are skinnier than me, people who don't have ugly freckles plaguing their bodies. I can't help but fear you'll leave me behind for someone better..." Tadashi stares blankly at the tea. He wonders how long he's just sitting there. Kei hadn't made a sound, and Tadashi was too scared to look up and see his reaction. 

Tadashi was busy cursing Kei's beautiful golden eyes when he felt the booth seat dip on his left. He barely had enough time to react before two long pale arms engulfed him in a warm hug. 

Tadashi immediately knows its Kei, having long ago memorized the musty scent. Kei’s hair tickles Tadashi's neck, and he can feel Kei's breath ghosting over his skin. Tadashi shivers and grips on tightly to Kei's shirt, burying his face into Kei's chest, trying to hide the involuntary blush that spread across his face at the unexpected contact. 

"Tadashi. I thought you knew me better." Kei clicks his tongue and pushes Tadashi far enough away to look him in the eye. When Tadashi looks up, the face Kei wears is the serious he thinks he’d ever seen on his face. Looking him in the eye, Kei reaches up a hand to gently cradle Tadashi's cheek. Tadashi leans into the touch as Kei rubs his freckles with his thumb. “Don’t trash talk my best friend. He’s not perfect, but nobody is. I could never replace you, Tadashi.” Tadashi comes down from his high the moment he hears “best friend.” 

Right. That’s all he’ll ever be to Tsukishima Kei. A best friend, one to share secrets with, not kisses. A best friend, someone to share a bed with but not to cuddle. Tadashi pulls out of Kei's grasp, turning back to his tea, looking over at Kei with a big, fake, smile on his face. “Sorry, Tsukki! C’mon, let's finish our tea and go check out the campus! I heard there's a really good bakery nearby! Maybe we can grab some cookies before heading to our apartment!” 

Tadashi could tell Kei wasn't really buying his act, but he went along with it anyway. Kei stood up and moved back to the other side of the table, reclaiming his seat. Tadashi hated the way the warmth followed Kei wherever he went, taking it away, and leaving Tadashi with the cold in return. He wishes he could stay by Kei’s side forever, leeching off of his warmth. But that’s a luxury he’ll never have. 

Tadashi and Kei, both concerned for different reasons, change the subject and make small talk. Tadashi stews, drawing up a mental list of all the reasons Kei would never love him. The further Tadashi got into his list, the harder it began to focus and listen. Kei's voice slipped in one ear and out the other as Tadashi tortured himself, picturing each scenario. Whatever. What he knows is he can never have Kei, no matter how much he wants him. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

“Are you ready to check out?” Tadashi asks, his smile still plastered on his face despite it exhausting him. They were in a bookstore, having seen it from the street while walking. Kei had a few new releases to pick up and Tadashi wanted to catch up on his favorite manga series. 

“Yes,” Kei says, shifting all of his books into one arm. They walk up to the register where Kei drops his books and pays in cash. The girl working the register blushes and hands him his change, stuttering out a “Have a nice day!” Kei ignores her and turns to walk away. 

“Thank you!” Tadashi slightly bows to the girl in Kei’s stead, as if apologizing for his cold behavior. He turns and jogs to catch back up to Kei. His smile gets a little easier at seeing his crush be so cold to the girl. Even if it's a false hope, Kei showing no reaction to the girl's flustered state leaves Tadashi feeling like he has slightly more of a chance. Maybe- 

“Yamaguchi, didn’t you want to check out this bakery?” It takes Tadashi a moment to realize Kei has stopped. He turns to him and awkwardly hobbles back next to his side. 

“Huh?” Kei points to the sign above the door that displays “The Owl Barn.” Tadashi had forgotten about how he’d mentioned the bakery while at the boba cafe. “Oh, uh yeah! I heard they have the best macarons around! They’re even decorated to look like little owls!!” He was actually excited about this, as macarons were one of his favorite snacks. Kei rolls his eyes at Tadashi’s enthusiasm, mouth slightly upturned into a smile. He opens the door for him and Tadashi all but skips inside, the bell hanging on the door making a sweet ringing sound. 

“And then he p e e d his fucking pants!” A loud voice exclaims from the counter. 

“I did NOT pee my pants Kuroo!! Stop lying to Akaashi!!” Another voice says. Wait…. Kuroo? Tadashi looks at the three people gathered at the counter. Akaashi stands behind the counter in a uniform. Kuroo is leaning on the counter as Bokuto stands in an owl costume. “Ok you know what maybe I did, but it was scary ok???” Akaashi stifles a laugh before looking at the door. 

“Hi, how can I-” 

“TSUKKIIIII!!!” Bokuto yells, starting to break into a run but stumbling back as Akaashi grabs the back of his costume. Tadashi can feel Kei wince at his side from the use of the nickname. 

“Bokuto-san, you can’t go charging at guests, whether they be friends or strangers.” Akaashi sighs, releasing his hold on Bokuto. 

“Ah, Tsukki~ we meet again!” Kuroo says, a smirk settling on his face. He leans his back against the counter and crosses one leg over the other. He looks… more buff than the last time the two had seen him. He had grown into himself more, and now had the looks to match his confidence. 

Tadashi turns to look at Kei, who had been silent throughout the whole interaction. Kei stood eerily still as he looked at Kuroo, and Tadashi noticed a red tint to the tips of his ears. Oh. So that’s how it is… Tadashi forces himself to tear his eyes away. Kei finally makes a move to speak and clears his throat. 

“...Hello.” Kuroo's smirk widens. “It is good to see you all again.” Tadashi looks back to Kei, only to find him staring at Kuroo. Shit. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tadashi and Kei unpack and host a housewarming party :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!! This chapter is a longer one, so hehe. It also contains some nsfw so there will be a warning. The nsfw lasts the rest of the chapter when it appears. I will summarize what happened in the notes so that you don't have to read it if you don't want to. The smut was written by my friend @jae_goat and edited by me. I hope you enjoy!!! 
> 
> *ALSO!!! I’m also publishing this story on Wattpad if you want to see updates faster!! :) my username is mythicmelody!!*

~*~*~*~*~  
Chapter 2  
~*~*~*~*~

Kuroo puts his hands in his pockets and pushes himself off of the counter. He ambles towards Kei and Tadashi, his eyes meeting Tadashi’s before he embraces Kei. Kei stiffens under the touch, his ears fully red now, but his face stays straight and composed. Kuroo winks at Tadashi as he pulls away. After ruffling Tadashi's hair, he takes a small step back to look at them both.

“So, you did end up deciding to come here,” Kuroo says, raising an eyebrow towards Kei. He puts his hands in his pockets. “I thought you said, and I quote, ‘I’d rather be dead than go to school and play volleyball with you.’ Decided I’m worth it?”

Kei rolls his eyes and shifts his weight on to one foot then crosses his arms, and Tadashi sees his shift from confident to flustered. Although he does a good job hiding it, after knowing him for so long, an embarrassed Kei isn't hard to spot. Especially if you’re the frequent cause of it.

“You really do give yourself too much credit, rooster head. Yamaguchi and I wanted to attend college together and this was the more favorable option that we both got accepted into,” Kei raises an eyebrow. “I’m not here for you, I’m here to learn and play volleyball. You just happened to be here.”

A small grin spreads on Yamaguchi’s face upon hearing how he’s the reason Kei’s there, not Kuroo. Kuroo catches this and raises his eyebrows. “Oho oho? I see. You and freckles are a thing?” He grins a catlike grin, knowing he’s pushing a button that shouldn’t be pushed. One that will inevitably send Tadashi into a spiral. A spiral that's already beginning as the sweet smell of the bakery suddenly turned sour in his nose.

“Don’t get the wrong idea, Tadashi and I are just friends. I just enjoy his company and know he’s a good roommate, that doesn’t mean we’re dating.” Kei scoffs and pushes his glasses back up his nose.

Tadashi keeps up a smile. “Yeah, Tsukki and I would never date. He’s like my brother!” Used to this, his smile doesn't falter as he makes direct eye contact with Kuroo, whose evil grin grew bigger at Tadashi’s expense.

“Well, it was good to see you,” Kei says, sarcasm laced in his attempt to end the conversation. “Yamaguchi, let’s get those macarons you wanted and head to our apartment. I’d like to get at least some of our unpacking done before we have to see these idiots again.” 

“Ok Tsukki!” 

“Well, I’m out!” Kuroo says, taking his hands out of his pockets. Tadashi watches him put a hand on Kei’s shoulder. “And see you later cutie,” Kuroo says as he kisses Kei on the cheek. Kei freezes as Kuroo continues past him out the door, the bell jingling to announce his departure. Tadashi’s face pales, tears pricking at his eyes and his throat dry and closing up. 

“Well?” Tadashi looks over and sees Kei looking at him expectantly. “Lets go get your macarons.” Kei started to make his way to the counter, and Tadashi noticed pink lingering on Kei’s ears as he followed. 

Akaashi and Bokuto pause their conversation as they notice Kei and Tadashi approaching. They look at Tadashi with sad eyes, probably having noticed his reactions to Kuroo flirting with Kei.

“Hello, It is good to see you both again. Welcome to the Owl Barn. What can I do for you?” Akaashi looks between Kei and Tadashi.

Tadashi looks through the display, eyeing the lemon flavored macarons with interest. The little owl designs almost looked too cute to eat. Almost. “Can I get 3 of the mint Owlacarons and 3 strawberry as well?” Tadashi asks, looking up at Akaashi. Akaashi nods and goes to grab the packaging for their treats. “Soo Bokuto.. Why are you in an owl costume??” 

“Well it's a funny story, you see-”

“He kept bothering me at work and my employers said if he wanted to stick around he had to wear that and hand out fliers for the bakery,” Akaashi returned, box in hand. He carefully picked up each macaron and placed them in their own little sections with care. “Speaking of which, Bokuto, you should get back out there. You’ve been in here for way longer than your break time.”

“But Agaaaaaaashiiii!! It’s hOT out there!! They expect me to work in the heat in THIS??” Bokuto whines and does his best to lean over the counter towards Akaashi, almost falling in the process. Akaashi looks at him amusedly, and Bokuto finally gives in and trudges outside, a new pile of fliers in hand.

“6 Owlcarons comes out to be 2493.95¥.” Akaashi says, placing the box on the counter. Tadashi goes to pull out his card but Kei is already there, holding his card out to Akaashi. 

“No Tsukki, I'm paying. I’m the one eating them.” Tadashi doesn't want Kei paying for this. It would make him feel worse than he already does. He’s such a burden to Kei.

“Shut up Yamaguchi. You know you’re just going to make me eat the strawberry ones anyway. Tch.” Kei says, and Tadashi backs off. He was right about the strawberry macaron thing. He didn’t realize Kei knew what he was thinking when he ordered them. 

“Sorry Tsukki!” Tadashi pockets his card again and looks down at his feet as Akaashi rings up their order. A slight tug on his shirt makes him look up. Kei is standing and holding out the box of macarons toward him. Tadashi takes the box and smiles. He opens it and holds out a strawberry macaron to Kei. Kei rolls his eyes but takes it from him.

“I told you so,” Kei says, a joking smirk on his face. Tadashi grumbles in fake anger for a moment before grabbing a macaron for himself and closing the box. They say goodbye to Akaashi and head out the door. 

“Hey, um, Tsukki? Why did-” Tadashi is interrupted by Bokuto yelling goodbye to them, waving an arm and looking ridiculous in his owl costume. Tadashi waves at him.

“Why did what?” Kei asks, side-eying Tadashi.

“Oh… uh, I forgot! Sorry Tsukki!” That's a lie. Tadashi was going to ask why Kuroo kissed Kei. But he lost his courage. “Let’s just go to our apartment!” 

“Whatever.” Kei finishes his macaron and dusts his hands off. He pulls his earbuds out of his pocket and offers one to Tadashi, who takes it, and they walk like that the rest of the way to their small apartment.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tadashi and Kei had been unpacking for hours. They’d successfully put away their kitchenware and living room items and had moved on to unpacking the boxes for their bedrooms. Currently, they were unpacking 2 of Kei’s small amount of personal boxes. Kei’s smell, stuck on his objects, overwhelms Tadashi’s senses as he opens a box and something catches his eye. He pulled it out to look at it in better light.

“Woah, Tsukki! You kept it?” Tadashi marvelled, not realizing Kei would have kept these, much less brought them to college. “It’s in perfect condition! Tsukki, you kept them all??” Tadashi is stunned, placing the object and pulling out another and admiring it. Kei looks up, then goes back to unpacking his box.

“It’s a tradition, I would never have left them behind.” Kei scoffed, apparently appalled that Tadashi even questioned this. Tadashi let himself smile a genuine smile, laying out all of the objects in a line in front of him. Each object was a ceramic dinosaur, varying in different colors, sizes, and types. 

When Tadashi and Kei had become friends when they were young, Tadashi hadn’t known what to get Kei for his birthday. When shopping with his mother, he saw the most beautiful ceramic dinosaur. He immediately convinced his mother to purchase it for him as a gift for Kei. He remembers her helping him wrap it, careful to not break or scratch it. He remembers Kei’s face, wide with wonder and shock as he held the dinosaur captive in his (then) small hands. Ever since then, it's been a tradition for Tadashi to gift Kei some form of ceramic dinosaur every year for his birthday.

Somehow, knowing Kei’s affinity for dinosaurs still stood made Tadashi feel good. After all, he was the one who started his obsession. Suddenly, a ringtone cut into Tadashi's thoughts. Shoyou’s caller ID and contact photo flashes at him, “Mi pan~ zuzuzu~ zuzuzu~” screaming in their ears. Shoyou had made that his ringtone when he had first input his name into Tadashi’s phone, and Tadashi just hadn’t bothered to change it. Tadashi presses the accept button and holds the phone up to his ear.

“SUP BIIIITCH” Shoyou screams over the phone. Tadashi yanks the phone away from his ear, covering it with the hand not holding his phone. He hears Kei laughing in the background. “How’s it goin’ at the new place?? When do we get to check out the new crib??” Tadashi grimaces.

“Have you been talking to Tanaka?” He asks, already knowing the answer. 

“YOU KNOW IT” comes a voice on Shoyou’s end of the line, voice clearly belonging to Tanaka. “Anyway,” Shoyou is speaking again. “I’m calling ‘cause the old members of Karasuno want to throw you a housewarming party!” Tadashi can practically see Shoyou bursting at the seams with excitement.

“No.” Kei says curtly, having paused his unpacking to send glares through the phone as if somehow they will reach the people on the other side. Tadashi rolls his eyes.

“We’re still unpacking, but once we’re ready to have people over, you’ll be the first to know. We’ve still got quite a bit to do if we want to be ready for a party,” Tadashi smiles, giggling a little at Kei. He can tell Kei did not like the idea of having certain people in their new home, but it would be nice to see them again. 

“Ew, whatever! But you better be ready! Everyone will be here Saturday night, so even if you’re not ready, we’re still showing up!” Shoyou says. Tadashi giggles, looking over to where Kei now lies on the floor in anguish. 

“Tadashi, how could you do this to me,” groans Kei as he slings an arm over his face. “I thought we were friends.”

Tadashi gives him a small smile. “Sorry Tsukki,” he says. “Anyway, Shoyou, that sounds good! We’ll see you Saturday!” He hears a cheer from Shoyou and Tanaka.

“UWWAAAAAHHHH THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN!!! OK, BYE TADASHI!! HAVE FUN UNPACKING!” Shoyou hangs up, leaving Tadashi and Kei exchanging wide-eyed looks.

“Well, looks like we’ve got some work to do!”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The rest of the week flew by, a mess of unpacking and random visits to the supermarket or bakery. By Saturday morning, their apartment was in good shape for visitors. They had candles set up in various areas in their kitchen and living room, filling the rooms with the scent of autumn and pine trees. They had their blinds drawn, but light still filtered through the cracks, creating a glow that covered the living room, where Kei and Tadashi currently sat, waiting for word from their friends. 

They had been sitting in silence for a while, and Tadashi was beginning to feel awkward. “I can’t believe we start college in two days! It feels kind of surreal to be honest,” Tadashi says, eager to break the silence. Kei doesn’t reply, so he tries to keep talking. “So um, when I went to the bakery yesterday, I invited Akaashi and Bokuto to come over today! I figured they’d also want to see everyone else, so what better time!” Kei groans and looks at Tadashi.

“We already have Karasuno coming, which literally is half dumbasses, and you invite Bokuto??” Kei groans again, louder. “You know this means Kuroo will probably be there too, right? Wherever Dumbfuck 1 goes, the others right behind.” Tadashi hadn’t even thought of Bokuto telling Kuroo. Was Kuroo knowing a good thing or a bad thing?? Tadashi didn’t even know.

“It’s just three more people Kei, and what's so bad about Kuroo-san?” Tadashi pretends not to notice how Kei looks away to hide a faint blush. “It’s only for a few hours, everyone will be gone before you know it.” Kei doesn’t say anything. Tadashi sighs. “I’m just gonna go put out snacks. People will be arriving soon.” Tadashi quickly stands up and leaves Kei sitting on the couch. In the kitchen he pulls out a few bowls and sets them on the counter before grabbing various snacks to fill them with.

Why does Kei always get like that when it comes to Kuroo? Tadashi knows Kuroo’s always been a big flirt, but Kei’s never been the type to lose his cool. Unless… No. There's literally no way. Tadashi almost laughs. Kei? Liking Kuroo? How funny would that pair be. To be fair though, Tobio and Shoyou were also an odd pairing, but they made it work. Maybe it’s Tadashi’s crush talking, but he doesn't think Kuroo and Kei would make a good couple at all. He finishes filling the last bowl, and starts bringing them back out to the living room to set on the coffee table. Kei still sits on the sofa, but he’s on his phone texting someone. Tadashi sits down and pulls out his own phone to text Shoyou. 

To: Shoyou  
Hey!!! Are you and the others almost here? Kei and I are excited \^o^/

From: Shoyou  
TADAAASSHHIII!!! we r amst there!! Like, five min tops!! tonites gonna b gr8!! tanakas bringing beer! ヾ(≧▽≦*)o (PS: thrs no way tsukki is ecited ~(>▽<)~* stop lying on his behlf tadashi hehe) C U SOON!!!!

Tadashi rolls his eyes. Shoyous always been a very… energetic texter. But, sure enough, the doorbell to their apartment rang roughly five minutes later. Followed by a lot of banging. Kei promptly stands and all but runs to his bedroom and locks the door. Tadashi rolls his eyes at his dramatics and opens the door. Not even half a second later, someone flings themself at Tadashi and he looks down to find himself being embraced. “TAAADDAASSHIIIII I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN FOREVVEERR!!!” Shoyou screams. Tadashi looks up to see Tanaka kick the door open wider with beer in hand.

“Dumbass let go, stop bothering Tadashi.” Tobio walks up to them and pries Shoyou off of Tadashi, who is then attacked once more, this time however by Nishinoya, who also begins screaming in his ear right away. The rest of the old Karasuno team files in and hugs Tadashi, congratulating him and Kei on the new apartment. 

“Speaking of Kei,” Sugawara says, looking around the living room. “Where is he?” Tadashi chuckles.

“He’s hiding in his room. He’s just being dramatic though, let me go get him!” Tadashi smiles brightly at Suga, then turns and starts towards Kei’s room. He knocks on the door. “Kei, c’mon, stop hiding. Everyone’s here and wants to see you!” Kei grunts in reply, and Tadashi sighs. “I’m coming in!” He says, opening the door to Kei’s room and stepping in. He hadn’t really seen it decorated fully, having only really been in there to help unpack. He notices his dinosaur gifts all displayed on a shelf and smiles. He looks at Kei who's on his back on his bed, playing a game. “C’mon Tsukki!! At least say hi.” Kei gives Tadashi a look, and right as Tadashi was about to speak again, they hear a commotion in the living room. Kei goes back to his game and Tadashi sighs. He walks over and takes Kei’s phone. “5 minutes. At least. Please? They all came over here to see us, and it’d be rude if you didn’t even show up to your own party.” Kei tries to grab his phone back but Tadashi walks back over to the door, forcing Kei to stand up. 

“5 minutes,” Kei says, taking his phone back and leaving the room. Tadashi grins and follows him out, making sure to close the door behind him. When Kei and Tadashi arrive in the living room, they find that Bokuto, Akaashi, and of course, Kuroo, have arrived. Tadashi figures that's probably what the commotion was. Shoyou was the first to spot Kei, running and jumping onto him. Kei gives Tadashi a disgusted look as he tries to pry Shoyou off of him. As the rest of Karasuno goes to greet Kei, Tadashi walks over to the kitchen counter and is approached by Akaashi with Bokuto trailing close behind.

Akaashi hands Tadashi a box with the bakeries logo displayed across the lid. He opens it to find a dozen of the owl macarons. He looks up at Akaashi with a smile. “Thank you Akaashi, but you really didn’t have to!” He says, placing the box on the counter.

“It’s really no big deal, we made extra today so I decided to bring some. I figured it's also a nice thank you for inviting us.” Akaashi smiles. 

“BOKUTOO!! COME HERE WE HAVE SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT” Shoyou screams, a half empty beer already occupying one of his hands, the other waving Bokuto over. Bokuto’s at Shoyou’s side in a flash, and Akaashi says goodbye to Tadashi before following Bokuto. 

Now alone, Tadashi looks around, looking for someone to talk to. His eyes wander across the room before finding Kei. Suddenly he sees fingers crawl up Kei’s arm before sliding onto his shoulder and gripping it. He sees Kuroo lean in and whisper something to Kei, resulting in him blushing. Tadashi feels angry tears form. “I'm too sober for this,” he says, grabbing and opening the nearest unopened bottle of beer and taking a swig. This was already looking like a long night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Um… Shoyou? I don’t really think this is a good idea…” A very tipsy Tadashi says to an obviously plastered Shoyou. The living room has begun to reek of alcohol and sweat, the soft pine tree scent long gone.

“Whaddaya meAn Tadashi!?? It’s a *hic* grEAt ideauuhhhh!” Shoyou slurs, grasping Tadashi’s shoulders and shoving him over to the circle their friends were now forming. “This is a good thinG! Mayhbee you’ll get to kiss *hic* saltyshima!” He says before he promptly trips over Tadashi, who has stopped moving. Tadashi quickly turns to Shoyou, covering his mouth.

“SHHH!! Shoyou!! What if he heard you???” Tadashi whisper-yells, looking around to make sure no one else was nearby. 

“But Tadaaassshiii!! You’ve been crushing for *hic* years and haven’t done anything about it!!” Shoyou says, licking Tadashi’s hand to Tadashi’s disgust. He wipes his hand on his shirt and walks away, tired of dealing with this. There’s no way he’d EVER tell Kei about his crush. He finds Kei and sits next to him, ignoring how close Kuroo sits on the other side. Shoyou plops down next to him, and a slightly drunk Tobio takes the spot on the other side of him. “I wan- *hic* wanna go fiRSt!!” Shoyou says excitedly, taking the bottle and spinning it. It lands on a very conflicted Sugawara, who shares a look with Daichi. Shoyou quietly leans forward and twists the bottle so that it points to Tobio. “YAAYYYY TOBIIOOOOO” He says, throwing himself onto Tobio and kissing him. Tobio flushes before pulling Shoyou off of him. 

“D-dumbass” he says, letting a now giggling Shoyou hug him and lay on him. “Um, I think I should get him home now…. It was good seeing everyone.” He says, standing up and stumbling a little under Shoyou’s weight. 

“Awwwee!!! But who’s gonna spin next?? It’s Tobio’s turn…” Noya says, pouting. 

“Hehe! I know! Tadashi should spin next!!!” Shoyou peeps up from where Tobio is now trying to pick him up.

“Nonononono!! I’m good-”

“I’ll go.” Everyone turns to look at Kei, who just ignores them and spins. Yamaguchi’s eyes follow the neck of the bottle as it turns, not leaving it til it stops. The bottle stills, and Yamaguchi’s eyes dart up to see who’s lucky enough to kiss Kei. His eyes meet Kuroo’s, who smirks at him. Tadashi looks on in shock as Kuroo turns to face Kei. Kuroo grabs Kei’s shoulder, just as he had earlier in the night, and pulls him in. Their lips meet and Tadashi feels his heart being stabbed. His throat closes and he can barely get air in. He hears Kei and Kuroo break apart, and quickly looks to the floor, feeling as if he just walked in on something he shouldn’t have. Kei abruptly stands, making Tadashi look up, and makes his way to the bathroom. Tadashi can’t stand the look on Kuroo’s face. 

“U-um! I!! Water! Yes! I need water! I’ll be right back!” Tadashi stutters, standing fast and walking to the kitchen. He makes it safely inside and leans against a cabinet and slides down to sit on the floor. He holds his face in his hands. He sits like that for a few minutes, trying to regulate his breathing and stop the rapid beating of his heart. Why did it have to be Kuroo?? There were 13 of them in that circle, and it landed on him. Tadashi couldn’t believe his shitty luck. When his breathing becomes normal, he returns to the living room. The game had dispersed, everyone back to milling about the room drunkenly. Tadashi raked his eyes across the room, searching for Kei. He wasn’t anywhere to be found. Tadashi goes to check Kei’s bedroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~ THIS NEXT BIT CONTAINS NSFW, SKIP TO END OF CHAPTER FOR NOTES ON WHAT HAPPENED

As he nears the room, he hears sounds coming from the bathroom. He walks closer and presses his ear against the door. A voice behind the door faintly moans. “N-not here-” 

“Oh come on, you know you want everyone to hear you.”

“S-stop tha-aah!~” 

“Is someone fucking in my bathroom??” Tadashi thinks. “Kei’s not gonna like this…”

“Hmm you like that, little slut? Should i unlock the door too?” Tadashi jumps back as he hears the door handle jiggle a bit before a click sounds. His heart pounds at almost being caught listening.

“What the fuck are you doin- mm...mmmm~” 

“You’re hard.. Should I help you out?”

“Ah! Haa st- stop that someone’ll hear-” Tadashi vaguely entertains the idea of telling whoever it is to stop. He doesn’t want to see any of their friends in that position, but… having to brush his teeth in the same spot his friends boned was more unappealing. Tadashi opens the door, ready to tell whoever it is to stop. His words catch and die in his throat. Kuroo has Kei’s back pinned against their sink, toothbrushes knocked over from where one of Kei’s hands lay, palm stretched out on the tiled counter. The other grips the fabric on Kuroos shoulder. Kuroo’s got one of his hands on the counter for support, and the other ones reached down Kei’s pants to palm his dick.

“Fuck you’re so hard” Kuroo pulls his and Kei’s dicks free from their pants and starts rubbing them together. Tadashi’s legs lose feeling and he has to hold himself up on the wall. 

“F-fuck Kuroo, f-faster” Kei said throwing his head back. Kuroo leans in and presses his face to Kei’s neck. Tadashi’s hand raises to his mouth.

“Say please~” Kuroo said, biting Kei’s neck. Bile rises in Tadashi’s throat.

“S-stop that just go- ahh! -go faster!” Kei said, looking back at Kuroo. 

“Well that's not very nice.” At that, Kuroo slowed his pace, stroking Kei’s cock hard and slow. 

“Ah- s-shit, why are you s-mm~stopping?” Kei asked with pleading eyes. 

“I told you to say please” Kuroo mocked, gently rubbing his thumb over their tips. 

“Ahh! Ugh fine.. P-please?” 

“Hmm~ good boy.” Kuroo said, kissing the corner of Kei’s lips. He quickened his pace again kissing Kei as he did. Kei slid his hands down Kuros back and snaked his hands up his shirt. Kuroo shivered with pleasure, feeling Kei’s cold fingers trace his skin. Kuroo’s hand gripped the sink as he seductively licked Kei’s bottom lip. Kei parted his mouth, eager to feel Kuroo’s tongue on his. Tadashi feels tears prick at his eyes, and he accidently lets out a small gasp. Kuroo’s eyes open slightly and meet Tadashi’s from where he stands in the doorway. He wrapped his free hand around Kei’s waist and winks. 

Tadashi’s face goes pale and he exits, lightly shutting the door behind. His jelly knees stumble as he makes his way to his room. Tadashi enters his room and shuts the door behind him. His legs give out and he falls to the floor. He feels so numb that he doesn't even feel the tears falling from his face. He closes his eyes and curls up on his floor, letting the tears run free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooo that was a lot haha. If you skipped the NSFW bit, basically what happened is while Tadashi was looking for Kei, he walks in on Kuroo and Kei doing stuff in the bathroom and then he cries. Anyway, I hope y'all liked it hehe (don't kill me pls).


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow look, another fight 🤗🤪🤪

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're just gonna pretend i didn't just drop off the face of the earth for a few months with this story- I'm not in to Haikyuu anymore as much but I'm dedicated because i have a whole plot line for this fic so i cant just give up lmfao so lets get RIGHT INTO IT
> 
> *In case you need a refresher, the last chapter ended with our baby Tadashi walking in on Kei and Kuroo in the bathroom getting all hot n steamy 😋

Tadashi couldn’t believe what he saw. Was he just hallucinating? Dreaming? He pinches himself and feels a flash of pain. What he had seen was real, and Tadashi’s stomach heaves at the thought. He needs something to make him feel. Something that hurts more than seeing Kei and Kuroo intimate like that. He stands up and forces his numb legs to walk over to his desk. 

~*~*~*~*~*~ TW!! THIS NEXT PART CONTAINS DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF HARM. SKIP TO “Yeah sorry, give me a sec!“ IF THIS IS A TRIGGER FOR YOU!!! 

He falls into his chair, slumping over and absentmindedly rummages through his drawers. His fingers fall on a pair of scissors. He stops his hand, hesitant about what he's about to do. The overwhelming need to feel something.. anything trumped any other emotions as he grabs the scissors and places the tip to his skin. With a shaky breath, he presses it against his forearm. The blade drags along his freckled skin over and over and tears begin welling in his eyes. He doesn't draw blood, quite frankly he's too scared. He hadn’t cut in a while… not since Kei had been a constant in his life. “Kei.. that's right… he wouldn’t want me cutting,” Tadashi thinks. He pulls the scissors away from his skin and throws them into his drawer, before letting his head fall into his arms on the desk. Tears drip to land on the table, and Tadashi distantly watches them catch the light peeking through his elbows as they fall. Pretty, shiny, beautiful. Unlike him. An ugly, unwanted, dull, spotted monster. He breathes a deep breath in, then out, trying to calm himself until he hears the bathroom door creak open. Tadashi stills, unmoving and unbreathing as he hears Kei quietly giggle. He’s never heard Kei laugh like that. Tears start spilling out of his eyes quicker now, blinding him as he picks the scissors back up to press the sharp blade to his arm again. He digs it deeper into his skin, feeling but not registering the wet drops that hit his arms as the skin begins to break, blood pooling at the surface of some of his cuts. A know sounds at his door and Tadashi drops the scissors into the drawer with a loud clatter, wincing at the sound. 

“Tadashi? Are you in there? A few of us are heading out and wanted to say goodbye!” Sugawara’s voice sounds through the door, making Tadashi’s eyes widen. “Shit!” He panics, and without much thought slams the drawer shit. He quickly stands and scrambles to his closet as he tries to get rid of the blood, rubbing it into his arms with a sick fury.

“Yeah sorry, give me a sec!” He says, pulling a jacket off of its hanger and slipping it over his arms. He briefly looks at himself in the mirror, pausing to quickly wipe the tears from his face and make sure the sleeves hide his hurt. He wills his face to look normal as he approaches the door in dread. He opens it, smiling big. “Sorry, I just needed a jacket, it was getting chilly!” He says. Tadashi can tell Sugawara knows something’s wrong, but he doesn’t press it, much to Tadashi’s relief. They walk out to the living room, where people are picking up their things to leave. Most of them reek of alcohol. Tadashi sees Kei standing in the corner looking at him, but he ignores him. Instead he makes his rounds, thanking everyone for coming and wishing them a safe journey home. 

When everyone is out the door, he shuts it then immediately heads to the kitchen to grab a trash bag. He starts collecting beer bottles and plastic cups lying around. Out of the corner of his eye, Tadashi sees Kei join him in the kitchen and start to help pick up. It’s when Kei walks over to put the collected trash in Tadashi’s bag when he snaps. “Thanks, but I can do it myself,” Tadashi says harshly. He can’t be bothered to even pretend to be nice. Kei looks at him like he’s grown two heads, but Tadashi turns away, walking to where there’s more trash to be collected.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Kei asks, frowning. He walks up to Tadashi and reaches out to touch his shoulder. Tadashi shakes his shoulder to remove the hand but turns around. He has never been this upset at Kei. Why is he upset at Kei again?

“Oh, nothing!” He says, throwing a fake smile on his face, making Kei’s frown deepen.

“Well, clearly somethings up. You’ve been acting strange all night.” Kei crosses his arms as Tadashi picks up a wine glass from the counter. 

“Have I? I didn't notice” Tadashi said, passive aggressively. He really should stop. Before his only friend leaves him. He's the only one who accepted Tadashi for the disgusting, ugly, socially awkward charity case that he is. 

“What the heck Tadashi, don't talk to me like that.” Kei said, getting angry. “I'm just trying to help, and you get mad at me?” He can’t stop.

Tadashi turned to face Kei, gripping the stem of the wine glass harshly. “Are you kidding me? You seriously don't know what's wrong?” He said with a stern face. He didn’t know either. Was it because of Kuroo? Or was it that he was taking his own selfish needs and problems out on Kei?

“No, that's why I'm asking you to tell me! Why are you being such a dick?” Kei said, raising his voice. 

Tadashi was silent, his knuckles turning white around the glass as he thought. “Why do you want to know so bad?”

“Is it so wrong to want to know what's bothering my best friend??” Tadashi feels himself being pushed over the edge. “God you're more stubborn than Kuroo.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Tadashi yells, sending the glass he’s holding flying through the air past Kei’s head. It smashes on the wall and its pieces shatter. Kei looks down at the glass that almost hit him, then back up at Tadashi’s red face. What can only be described as silent anger fills Kei’s face as he picks up his jacket and keys off the hook near the door and leaves, slamming the door behind him. 

Tadashi drops the trash bag and backs up against a wall. His shaky knees give out and he slides down the wall, body racking with sobs. Tadashi pulls his knees up to his chest and sobs into them, wrapping his arms around them and digging his fingers into his thighs. His lungs seem to stop working and he frantically tries to breathe. After a while, he manages to move his weak arms and grab the nearby counter to pull himself up, willing his legs to support him again. He slowly stumbles blindly to his room, and leans on the door for support. He rubs his eyes with his palm, trying to stop the tears from continuing to overtake his vision but failing. Tadashi takes a deep breath and turns the knob, tripping as the door opens. His feet walk him over to his bed and he lets himself collapse onto his cool sheets. A numb feeling overtakes Tadashi once more. He’s been crying a lot recently, he realizes. He grips his sheets with the little energy he has left and curls into himself, not even bothering with covering himself. His sobs die down as his eyelids grow heavier. He eventually drifts off to sleep, not wanting to wake up.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tadashi wakes with a pounding headache and a dry throat, the only things letting him know that what had happened wasn’t just a nightmare. The urge to cry appeared once more, but the pain of his headache forced him to fully open his eyes and sit up. He decides he needs water. His room was still dark, with only a hint of light from the moon helping him navigate. He drags himself across the floor, trying to ignore the pain in his head. His hand instinctively reaches to grab the doorknob to open the door before he realizes it's already opened. He continues walking to the kitchen, but when he makes it halfway, he takes a step, his foot screams in pain, feeling as if it was covered in a bunch of paper cuts. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck,” Tadashi whisper-yells. He looks down and brings his foot up to see shattered glass littering the floor, some shards stuck to his foot like sand burrs stick to socks. Tears clouded his vision, threatening to spill over. Of-fuckin-course this happens to him. He starts breathing heavy, then tries to calm himself down. The tears retract and Tadashi is able to calm his breathing. He covers his palm with the sleeve of his jacket and brushes the glass off of his foot, gasping in pain at the little cuts being irritated. 

When his vision is clear enough, he steps around the glass into the bathroom to grab the first aid kit. As he bends to open the cabinet below the sink, has to remind himself to breathe. Ignore the memory of Kei bent over the sink that's been seared into his memory. Tadashi grabs the kit and quickly hobbles out of there and makes his way to the kitchen. He turns the lights on and gets up on the counter to treat his foot. He brings his foot up to rest on his other thigh and stares at the droplets of blood dotting his foot. His headache screams at him to hurry up, so he opens the bag of supplies. He grabs an antiseptic wipe and rips open the package. Bracing himself for pain, Tadashi unfolds the wipe and presses it to the bottom of his foot, causing a searing pain to shoot its way up his foot. A hiss escapes through his gritted teeth but he pushes through the pain and wipes his foot. Blood speckles the wipe in dots and lines, and Tadashi can’t help but think of it as art. 

He finishes cleaning the blood off the best he can and then wraps his foot in gauze. When he’s sure the gauze is secure, he slides off the counter and walks over to a cabinet to grab a glass. He grabs a plastic cup to avoid the event that had occurred a few hours prior. Tadashi shuffles to their sink and fills the cup with water, taking a long gulp. The headache dies down a bit but continues to stab at Tadashi’s head. He tiredly walks to where he knows Kei keeps the pain meds. Setting the cup on the counter, Tadashi opens the cabinet and reaches in to grab the ibuprofen. He opens the container and shakes two pills into his hand, throwing them into his mouth and grabbing his cup of water once more to ease the pills down his throat. After replacing the lid on the bottle, Tadashi puts it back in the cabinet and rests his upper body against the counter, fighting the urge to fall back asleep right then and there. He goes to turn his head to lay it down when he catches sight of the messy living room. 

“I guess I should probably clean…” Tadashi thinks, sighing. Shoving off of the counter, he grabs his water and walks to the living room to place it down on their coffee table. He picks up the abandoned trash back and begins picking up once more, limping his way around the room, and in between sips of water, picks up every piece of trash and plate of food left behind. He grabs a broom and sweeps the glass bits into the dustpan. After collecting the pieces, Tasashi brings the dust pan over to his bag of trash and empties it. When he’s done cleaning, he falls onto the couch to finish his water. His headache had mostly left him, and now he was just tired. He looks to the tv, where the dvr read “3:47 am” in blinking green light. Tadashi stands and starts walking to the kitchen and places his cup in the sink. He maneuvers his way back through the living room, slowing to pause outside Kei’s door.

Tadashi faces it and knocks. “Kei? Are you home yet?” He asks, listening for a reply. He waits a minute in silence. “I’m coming in.” He slowly opens the door to find an empty room. Stepping inside, his eye catches on a photo framed on his desk. It was a picture of the two of them at their high school graduation. Kei’s actually smiling for once in this photo. Tadashi remembers that day as if it were yesterday.

Kei had given him a bouquet of roses and tulips, and Tadashi recalls the feeling of elation coursing through his body. He had never told him, but while Kei was enamored with dinosaurs, Tadashi had fallen in love with flowers and their meanings. Upon seeing the red tulips and yellow arranged in the bouquet, Tadashi lit up. From his time spent studying flowers, he knew they meant friendship and falling in love. Kei must have looked up the meanings, not knowing Tadashi had them all memorized. He sits down on the bed, hugging the picture to his chest. He starts tearing up, wishing he was happy like he was back then. He collapses onto Kei’s bed out of exhaustion. He takes one last lingering look at the photo before he closes his eyes. Kei’s smiling face is the last thing he imagines before he drifts off into a deep sleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sunlight shines on Tadashi’s face, forcing his eyes open. As the blurriness in his eyes dissipates, he realizes that he’s not in his bedroom. He jolts up and something clacks to the floor. When he looks down, he sees the picture frame he had been looking at the previous night on the floor, picture staring at him as if to mock him. Tadashi bends over to grab the photo and a blanket falls off of him. He shrugs it off and grabs the picture to replace it where it belongs. The slight smell of egg fills his nostrils. “I must be hungry,” Tadashi thinks. “When's the last time I really ate?” He stands and drags his feet across Kei's floor to the door. The smell gets stronger as he leaves the bedroom, confusing him. If Kei had left… then who was in his kitchen??

Tadashi creeps his way toward the kitchen. He hears sizzling in the kitchen and someone moving around. When he enters, he sees Kei at the oven, making food. Relief, quickly overshadowed by frustration clouds Tadashi’s brain as he walks further into the kitchen. Kei glances at Tadashi before going back to cooking. 

“I made you an omelet,” Kei speaks, nodding his head towards the counter towards where an omelet rests on a plate. Tadashi hesitantly grabs the plate and a fork and walks over to the table. He sits and starts eating, staring at Kei as he finishes his own omelet. When Kei joins him at the table, they sit in silence, the only sound being the forks hitting the plates. Tadashi steals a glance at Kei, but he quickly averts his eyes, as if the omelet was suddenly interesting, as Kei tries to meet his eyes. “So.” Kei clears his throat and Tadashi looks at him out of politeness. “There’s a dino exhibit opening at the museum,” Kei says looking down. He looks back up and makes eye contact with Tadashi. “Would you like to go with me?”

Tadashi feels bile rise in his throat. Deep down he knows he’s being petty, but he can’t stop himself. He can’t bring himself to be happy for Kei and his… “thing” with Kuroo. There must be something seriously wrong with him if he can't be happy for his own best friend. Tadashi places his fork on his plate and stands up with the plate. “No thanks,” He says, turning and making his way to the kitchen. Tadashi places his dish in the sink and turns back to Kei, who was still sitting in place. 

“What do you mean?” Kei asks, looking up from his plate to Tadashi. “You love these things don’t you?” Tadashi scoffs.

“No I don’t, I just went along so that I could spend more time with you. But now, I don’t really feel like doing that.” Tadashi moves to walk past Kei to leave but Kei stands and blocks his path.

“It’s just… What changed? What did I do to make you hate me so much?” Kei pleaded, reaching towards Tadashi. Hitting his hand away, Tadashi shoves past him and walks to their front door.

“You’ve always been so smart, yet right now you’re being so fucking dumb!” Tadashi pulls on a jacket, grabs his phone, and turns to face Kei, who still stands in the kitchen entrance, looking at Tadashi in shock. “I'm going out for a bit.” Tadashi says, leaving and slamming the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: shit gonna get wild 🤡

**Author's Note:**

> And there's chapter one! Make sure to leave a kudos and comment if you liked it :) More to come soon, hopefully, I can update regularly.


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